Wikipedia:Don't throw your toys out of the pram

This is an essay. It contains the advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors. This page is not an encyclopedia article, nor is it one of Wikipedia's policies or guidelines, as it has not been thoroughly vetted by the community. Some essays represent widespread norms; others only represent minority viewpoints.

Shortcuts WP:PRAM WP:STROLLER WP:TANTRUM WP:THROW

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This page in a nutshell: Conflicts on Wikipedia should be resolved calmly and amicably, assuming good faith on all parties where possible. Raised tempers and expressions of anger are counter-productive.

Babies and small children in prams have a tendency to throw a temper tantrum when they don't get their own way, throwing all their toys that were in the pram out onto the floor in the process. By extension, the British phrase "to throw one's toys out of the pram" is used when we see similar behaviour in adults. It's not acceptable, although understandable, for toddlers to do this, but on Wikipedia we see exactly the same thing happening in grown-ups from time to time.

Wikipedia is free for anyone to edit. But because it's an encyclopedia, it's not acceptable for anyone to edit everything about anything. There are a number of really, really bad ideas for things to do, that can result in that nice article about your pet rabbit getting speedy deleted,^[1] or facing a block for edit warring, even though "they" were totally wrong and "you" were totally right.

If this sort of thing happens to you, you might be confused, upset or angry. It's a perfectly natural human emotion to have when somebody's trashed your efforts. But you must act calmly and with civility and don't throw your toys out of the pram. Exactly how you respond to conflict is just as important as what the conflict is to determine what happens next, and a quiet and polite response to something works so much better than an angry, ranting one.

Yet it's surprising how many times on the Administrators' Noticeboard, we see complaints about someone's civility that somehow completely miss the point that it's how they're handling a complaint that's the problem, but still bang on like a broken record about the content, seemingly under the impression that strong words and tempers have nothing to do with it.^[2] Or, we see Wikipedians with the impression that administrators are somehow "the man" that it needs to be stuck to, in order that they get knocked down a peg or two. While we do see the odd bona fide complaint about admins, most of the time they're just volunteers with experience in Wikipedia policy and process, doing a thankless task and trying to keep the Wikiwheels turning. Shouting at them angrily probably isn't the best way to get them on your side.